Tag: marriage

Fear of being alone

We are created to be loved, as love is based on the foundation of human existence, so be encouraged and assured that there is nothing wrong with wanting to be in a relationship. Being in a relationship is exciting and enjoyable when you are with the right person. However, problems arise when you are afraid of being on your own, to the extent that you jump from one relationship to another to prevent having a relationship with yourself.

There are many reasons which may influence you to desire a relationship. Here are some of the key factors that create fear of being alone.

Age

You feel that you’re getting older and you are afraid that the chances of having a baby are decreasing, which creates an intense fear of your biological clock ticking.

Peer pressure

Most of your friends are in a relationship/getting married with children. You are worrying that you’re becoming the odd one out, or even fearing that there is something wrong with you that leads you to have failed relationships.

Family dynamics

If your parents are separated and one or both parents have not moved on from the past, this may trigger a fear to avoid being like them, as you can imagine spending the rest of your life alone.

Cultural and parental pressure

Within certain cultures, women are particularly expected to get married and have children before they reach 40 years of age. When a woman reaches her mid-30s, she starts to panic about being alone for the rest of her life due to cultural beliefs that she should be married with a child by her mid to late 30s.

Regardless of your reasons for not wanting to be on your own, it’s essential to like and enjoy your own company irrespective of your circumstances.

Simple ways to get rid of the fear of being single forever

  • Learn to be at peace with yourself

Self-acceptance is the beginning of building true intimacy and accepting everything about who you are as a person. Begin to self-evaluate by being honest about the type of relationship that you have with yourself. For instance, do you often criticise yourself, thinking that you are ugly, too old, too fat, not good enough and not worthy of being loved? Your emotional well-being and confidence will be hindered if you talk or think of yourself in this manner. It will lead to low self-esteem, fear and insecurities. Feeling good about yourself begins with your thoughts, so the aim is to “think good, feel good”. Bad thoughts influence you to feel bad. We all have inner power which helps to build our esteem, so avoid giving your power away by been stuck in a negative place. We all feel negative from time to time, but it’s highly essential that you don’t get stuck there.

  • Feel good about yourself

If you have had negative experiences which could hinder the way that you feel about yourself, then it’s essential that you try your utmost to deal with it. Speaking to people that you trust can help you tremendously. Don’t bottle this up; instead learn to talk about it, as expressing your emotions can help to overcome depression, contribute to feeling positive, build your confidence and self-esteem. Remember – positive people attract positive people, and negative people always attract negative people. Unfortunately, if you don’t believe in yourself, other people will not do this either. It’s like selling something that you don’t like or value, but want others to. It’s very conflicting. The more you believe and love yourself, the more convinced and positive you will feel about finding the right partner for you.

  • Change your mindset about being single

Being single is a period to be embraced. It is time to get to know and understand who you are as a person before you pursue your potential spouse. This is a period in your life where you can set personal goals and work towards fulfilling your true destiny. When you are living the life that you want and enjoying yourself, there is no time wasted, as the best mindset to adopt is living your life to the fullest and still preparing yourself for a life partner. You are likely to get the right partner when you have taken time to love, accept, develop, know and understand yourself, as these are some key principles required from a relationship. So rather than being afraid of being alone, embrace it and prepare for your life partner by aiming to be your best self. Remember – you meet people based on where you are on an emotional level.

  • Enjoy yourself

Create time to enjoy yourself by engaging in enjoyable activities with friends and family. Feeling empty and negative will not motivate or empower you. Create a happy list to enjoy things that you love and have fun. When you are not satisfied with who you are and become desperate to be in a relationship, it could contribute to meeting the wrong people that may mistreat you and take advantage of your vulnerabilities. People want to be around positive and happy people.

  • Don’t be jealous of other people’s relationships

No relationship is perfect, and some people may choose to edit negative experiences about their relationships when discussing their relationship with you, so you will never really understand the full dynamics of another person’s relationship.

When you are happy for other happy couples, it minimises any bitterness, and you know in your heart that your time will come. Never compare yourself to others and understand that everyone has their journey. Your time will come too.

Dealing with the challenges of being a single mum. 

Being a single mum can be rewarding and challenging at the same time. You are responsible for playing so many roles on a daily basis including being a mum, dad, friend, mentor, teacher, cheerleader and a working mother to make ends meet within the home.

It takes a woman of strength and courage to apply these roles, since it is a very demanding role to play. Some women became a single mum by choice, where most do not.

If you are a single parent having difficulties bringing up your children, I want to encourage you not to be dismayed. Keep up the good work.

There are 2 million single parents in the UK and 92% of them are single mothers. Research shows that children from single parent families are more likely to suffer poor health, do badly at school, and fall into crime or drugs abuse when they are teenagers. These facts are not entirely true, as there are many children from single parent families who have excelled in all areas of their lives and are very successful.

Useful tips:

Avoid being super-mum

Always remember that are you are not super-mum and there is no such thing as a perfect parent, you can only do the best you can. Juggling a career and running a home is not easy for two parents let alone one.

 Get support

Get the help and support from family and friends.

Learn to heal and deal with unresolved issues from the past

It is important to forgive people that have hurt, disappointed, rejected, betrayed and abandoned you, specifically your children’s father. There is nothing worse than being a bitter woman; this will not help the relationship with your children. Even when you decide to date again, no man wants to hear negative things about your ex, as it shows animosity.

Never say negative things about your children’s father in front of them, because this actually reflects a negative image of you, and children believe what they hear. If things did not work out between you and your ex-partner, try and avoid getting your children involved. The relationship was your choice and not your children’s.

Allow your children to have a relationship with their father

Not allowing your children not to see their father because you are hurt and using them to get at a man is never a good idea. It is manipulation and you’re actually hurting your children more. Playing these emotional games, especially when the man desires to be involved in the child life, it is not healthy and can be emotionally draining.

Be open and honest with your children

Children are more intelligent than you think and they have the ability to recognise when you’re not being your true self.

Children need your time and love

The most valuable thing that you can give any child is your love and time. No amount of money, gifts, toys can replace this. Keep your children busy by engaging them in regular activities.

Boundaries within the home

No matter how close you are with your children, always have boundaries, you are the adult within your household and you need to be respected.

 Enjoy your hobbies

 Have time to recharge yourself, meet up with friends and enjoy your own hobbies.

Don’t give up on restarting another relationship because you’re a single parent

Take your time to get to know the other person. Remember that dating is no longer about just you. You now have to take your child into consideration.

Avoid getting new partners to meet your children too soon

It doesn’t reflect a positive view of you in your child’s eyes or your new partner. Remember it is always your responsibility to protect your children and be careful about who you invite into your home.

 Be a positive role model

Encourage your children to believe in themselves and always speak positively about them. You are the person that is responsible for building their esteem, from birth.

Set goals and enjoy your life

Remember not everyone is blessed with children, so be grateful for what you have.