Tag: hobbies

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Self-care: 6 ways to take care of yourself

Self-care is highly essential since we all want to look and feel good. Self-care is about taking care of our mental, emotional, and physical health.

There are many ways that we can take care of ourselves; the best place to start is by finding positive ways to change our mindset. You cannot control your whole being if you are not in control of your thoughts and emotions.

We all get busy working, taking care of our homes, cars, children, pets or family members, but so often we forget about ourselves. It is always good to help others, but we are not truly helping them if we do not start with ourselves. To give the best to people, we have to start by providing the best to ourselves.

Many people may view this as selfish; however, the more you fill yourself up, the more you will be in a better position to help and support others. One of the best relationships that you can invest in is certainly with yourself – that’s the foundation of building relationships. If you do not understand yourself, it will be difficult to understand others.

It’s essential to learn to trust our emotions, as it helps us to detect if something is right or wrong. Trusting your emotions will save you from a lot of misery; it is also the initial step of beginning a relationship with yourself.

Six ways to take care of yourself

1. Be kinder to yourself

We often want to treat others with love and respect, but often don’t apply the same principle to ourselves. One of the best ways to be kinder to yourself is by treating yourself as your own best friend.

2. Ask yourself what you need

You can begin to treat yourself with extra care by asking yourself what you need on a daily basis. This may include;

  • more sleep
  • a healthier diet
  • exercise
  • rest
  • taking regular breaks at work
  • me-time
  • time with family and friends
  • a holiday
  • losing weight or improving your appearance

One of the best ways to provide what you need is by allowing yourself to be more vulnerable to your emotional needs.

3. Listen to your body

Our bodies are designed to help us to detect signs of illness by analysing any pain that we may feel in our bodies. If your body is telling you to rest or eat, it’s essential to listen to those warning signs, as ignoring symptoms could lead to serious consequences and illness that can be avoided in the initial stages.

4. Be more assertive

When you are always saying yes to commitments or demands, even when you’re tired or you don’t feel like doing what others want you to do, it’s essential to be honest with yourself and others so that you are not doing things to make others happy but are at the same time making you miserable. Learn to say no when necessary.

5. Have some time alone

Spending time alone is a healthy way of relaxing, connecting with yourself and being comfortable with who you are. Whether you are single or not, the relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you can invest in. It helps you to understand and get to know who you are. Self-awareness is a journey, and the more you take time out to enjoy yourself, you will discover deeper things about yourself.

6. Boundaries

Life is all about boundaries and self-control. If you believe that you don’t have boundaries with food, money, or authoritative figures, then it will affect your choices. For instance, if you have committed to going to the gym three times a week, then you need to develop self boundaries so you are committed to the decisions and choices that you make.

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Are you a people pleaser?

A people pleaser is an individual that has developed a learnt behaviour of pleasing others in exchange for love, acceptance or approval. This learnt behaviour stems from childhood experiences, particularly if you didn’t receive the love that you deserved from your parent(s). As a result of this, you develop a strong desire to be loved.

This could leave you feeling empty, unloved, lonely or feeling like you are not good enough. The truth is that you can’t blame your parents for what they did or didn’t do. They may have tried to give you the best they could emotionally or, may have repeated what they knew. Whatever the case may be, the past is the past and there is nothing that you can do to change the past. The most important thing is what you do within the present moment.

People pleasers often have low self-esteem, codependency traits and often feel that they are not good enough. Consequently, they seek approval and acceptance from others. They give so much to others and very little to themselves. When a child’s emotional needs have been disregarded, they subconsciously repeat the cycle of being second best. Since they have not experienced being or made to feel special.

These individuals love others so much but, struggle to understand how to apply the same love that they give to others to themselves. It seems like everyone matters, never themselves. After all, you can’t give what you don’t know, which is self-love, approval and although you think that you are being overly loving or giving to another person, there is always an ulterior motive. You give because you need or want something back in return; “love and acceptance” consequently, a secret exchange takes place within these types of relationships.

A people pleaser struggles to say no to others, as they don’t want to let people down. The strangest thing is that these individuals must surely let themselves down by allowing people to use them.

Consequently, they are often left feeling highly resentful and dissatisfied.

It’s healthy to want to please others however, it can become highly unhealthy if your esteem is dependent on making people happy, including doing things so people like/love you. This behaviour can be highly addictive and difficult to break and you’re often left feeling like you have given so much but get very little back.

How to stop pleasing:

  • Give from your heart. When you do things for others, be sincere and ensure that it’s from the heart and expect nothing back. At least that way, you don’t feel let down when others don’t appreciate your gesture.
  • Learn to say no. If you are asked to do something that you know that could cause difficulties for you and know that you sincerely cannot commit to what is required, it’s best to say no. When you agree to do everything that other people want, then they always expect you to say yes. Then you became a “yes person”. The danger with being labelled is that when others get used to you always saying yes to their demands, they always find ways to manipulate you to have their own way. Remember, you have a choice.
  • Have clear boundaries. Having boundaries, helps people to understand what is acceptable and what isn’t. If you keep bottling up negative behaviour, you may become quite bitter and highly resentful. Which could cause suppressed anger. If you’re not happy about the way others treat you, then speak up.
  • Learn to be assertive. Being assertive helps you to have a “win win” outcome, when you don’t speak up and behave passive aggressively, you become the victim and people may not be able to meet your physical or emotional needs.
  • Begin to meet your emotional needs. If you are overly giving because you want other people to like or love you. It’s important to begin to love yourself. It’s worth asking yourself where that need to be loved stems from.
  • Recognise that you can’t make everyone happy.

No matter what you do to please others. They can never be always happy, and you could end up losing yourself in the process.

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How to avoid low esteem

• Always value yourself, if you don’t then no one else will.

• The only person that is responsible for creating your destiny is you, and no one else; so you can’t expect other people to make you happy, if you are not happy with yourself.

• You can’t truly love or receive love without falling in love with who you really are.

• Improve your esteem by treating yourself as you would treat a valued friend.

• Learn to identify your full potential, and your purpose in life. (learn to focus on your strengths and work on areas of development).

• Setting goals gives you a purpose, vision and direction in life. You can do one thing daily towards your desired goal.

• Take care of yourself by, exercising, having a balanced diet and getting enough rest.

• Be conscious of what you feed your mind with.

• Be aware of what you focus your time, money and energy on. It is mostly positive or negative?

• Stop trying to please people; it is not good for your emotional well-being and you can never please everyone, even if you tried to.

• Be positive, negative energy can be draining.

• Enjoy your hobbies

• Consistency is the key to success.

• Challenges are part of life. It helps to develop your character, grow and come out of your comfort zone.

• There is nothing wrong with making mistakes, but avoid making the same mistakes over and over again. If something you are doing is not working, then you must learn to do things differently.

• Create time to nurture yourself , even if you have a busy schedule.

• Learn to give yourself, what you desperately need from others (LOVE)

Never ever give up on yourself.