Category: Confidence

Low self-esteem and relationships

Most people who have experienced abuse, neglect, abandonment and rejection, often attract spouses in relationships who often reinforce the emotions that are associated with these experiences.

These individuals unconsciously work hard in relationships by trying to please their spouse in exchange for attention, recognition, acceptance, and more importantly love. If you have work hard for love, you will continue working hard in need to gain love.

When a person’s esteem is low, they often attract partners who have low self-concept, which keeps the negative cycle going.

Women with low self esteem, are more likely to be drawn to spouses whose character resembles their fathers, particularly if their fathers were abusive, emotionally unavailable, didn’t love them or value them when growing up.

When you put people on a paddle stall, you tend to always look up to them and in response; they will always look down at you.

Sometimes women use make up and clothes to attract the opposite sex, unconsciously in exchange for love. When they don’t get the attention they need, they often wonder if there is something wrong with them.

They may even view sex as love, and have casual relationships in exchange for love.

If your esteem is low, you’re likely to settle for less, and never ask for what you want within relationships.

Low self-concept, demonstrates neediness, desperation and anxiety within relationships, which can be unappealing regardless of how attractive you are.

If you don’t love yourself, why should someone else love what you don’t love?

A person with low self-esteem often puts their spouse’s needs before their own, which could cause to anger and resentment.

Desperate and broken women attract desperate and broken men.

Many people are struggling with issues associated with their childhood and not taking responsibility for the damage, pain, and disappointments that they have experienced when growing up. Some look for others to fix them by jumping from one relationship to the next, only to realise the negative emotions and pain still remains as they unconsciously hold on to blame, pain and unforgiveness from the past.

Sometimes, a person can spend a lot of time being angry and blame others for how they feel. They may feel devalued, as they have valued others more. It is painful, when you don’t receive what you invest in others. However, it is worth taking time to explore the emotions that are hidden behind the anger, which could be: rejection, abandonment or hurt.

When you take the time to dig deeper, you may realise that this anger may have manifested from your childhood and have been buried. Hence, when triggered, you feel rejection, abandonment, pain and hurt.

Over coming low self esteem

You will attract emotionally balanced individuals when you’re balanced and whole within yourself.

It is important to understand your purpose in life and have a vision, this gives you a direction and hope, even when things are not the way you want it in the moment.

Have quality ‘me-time’ on a regular basis, this helps you to connect and nurture yourself.

Read more books, knowledge is power.

Make more positive and supportive friends, who have similar interest to you.

Learn to forgive others, even when it is difficult.

Take care of your self-image.

Find someone you trust to share your problems with, so you can off load.

Take responsibility for your happiness

Do things that you enjoy.

Be your own best friend.

Try new things to come out of your comfort zone.

Utilize your skills and strengths that you have.

Learn positive things in every negative situation

No matter what, never give up.

How to avoid low esteem

• Always value yourself, if you don’t then no one else will.

• The only person that is responsible for creating your destiny is you, and no one else; so you can’t expect other people to make you happy, if you are not happy with yourself.

• You can’t truly love or receive love without falling in love with who you really are.

• Improve your esteem by treating yourself as you would treat a valued friend.

• Learn to identify your full potential, and your purpose in life. (learn to focus on your strengths and work on areas of development).

• Setting goals gives you a purpose, vision and direction in life. You can do one thing daily towards your desired goal.

• Take care of yourself by, exercising, having a balanced diet and getting enough rest.

• Be conscious of what you feed your mind with.

• Be aware of what you focus your time, money and energy on. It is mostly positive or negative?

• Stop trying to please people; it is not good for your emotional well-being and you can never please everyone, even if you tried to.

• Be positive, negative energy can be draining.

• Enjoy your hobbies

• Consistency is the key to success.

• Challenges are part of life. It helps to develop your character, grow and come out of your comfort zone.

• There is nothing wrong with making mistakes, but avoid making the same mistakes over and over again. If something you are doing is not working, then you must learn to do things differently.

• Create time to nurture yourself , even if you have a busy schedule.

• Learn to give yourself, what you desperately need from others (LOVE)

Never ever give up on yourself.

What is low self esteem

What is low self-esteem?

Low self-esteem is how a person values themselves. The more positive you are about yourself, then the higher your self-esteem will be.

So when you keep telling yourself all the things that you are not good at, you are actually decreasing your self concept.

It is highly important to realise that having a high self-esteem is not based on, how attractive you are; it is all about how you feel about yourself.

Even the most beautiful women in the world suffer from low self-esteem.

Research shows that the people you attract into your life are a reflection of your self value. Women with high self-esteem have a tendency to attract men that have a high self concept and vice versa.

Signs of low self-esteem

Attracting abusive partners in relationships (whether it is verbal, physical or emotional).

Constantly seeking approval of others, attention seeking or people pleasing.

Avoiding conflicts, because you are afraid of how other people will perceive you.

Constantly worrying, and not being able to relax or have a sound mind.

Comparing yourself to others, who are above or below you, based on your ego needs at the time.

Being highly critical of yourself.

Not making your own decisions or letting other people make important decisions for you.

Constantly complaining about your circumstances, which you know you’re able to change.

Not forgiving yourself or others.

The more positive view that you have of yourself, the higher your self-esteem will be, and also the more negative view that you have of yourself the lower your self-esteem will be.

It is very important to get rid of things that make you highly unattractive to yourself.

How to increase your self-esteem.

Learn to appreciate who you are and the blessings that you have in your life, (show gratitude).

Stop setting yourself up for stress or failure. You don’t need more stress to get the adrenaline going, unless you think this is the start of boredom?

Don’t try to become someone that you are not and just be yourself – so idolising superstars is very unhealthy, just be who you are and develop yourself.

Taking care of yourself by eating well and exercising on a regular basis will give you a sense of well-being.

Get into a habit of thinking and saying positive things to yourself.

Negative people can be draining, so spend more time with positive people, who are encouraging.

Be assertive and don’t allow people to treat you with lack of respect.

Engage in your hobbies and interest.

Learn to accept compliments, no matter how hard it may be.

Know what you want and say so.

Learn to give your self ,what you desperately need from others  (LOVE)