Tag: relatinships

How to not lose yourself in your relationships

Being in love feels good, but always avoid losing yourself in another person. No one wants to be hurt within a relationship but every relationship we pursue is a risk, as you can never control another person’s behaviour or actions.

What is self-discovery? Most people would think that this is a strange question, as generally, people are more interested in learning about the behaviour of others rather than themselves. Unfortunately, many people lack self-identity and often build their esteem in their relationships, careers, financial status, or their appearance. Some of these individuals spend the majority or part of their lives looking for answers or acceptance but take very little time to understand themselves.

Learn to be more self-contained by following the tips below. Knowledge is power but always remember, knowledge without action is useless. Are you treating yourself in the same negative ways that your parents treated you when you were little? Are you punishing yourself the same way your parents did? If this is the case then it’s time to end the negative cycle. You are now the adult in your life so learn to comfort yourself, even if your parents didn’t know how to.

The past has no power over you and there is more power in the present moment.

How to rediscover your true self

Make a happy list

Make a list of things that you enjoy doing that makes you happy. It is essential to ensure that you participate in these hobbies on a regular basis. For instance, if you enjoy going to the gym, try and set aside regular days to go on a weekly basis to establish a regular routine.

Be honest with yourself

Write a list of all the different areas of your life including work, family, friends, hobbies, and relationships. Rate the amount of time that you invest in each area, from a scale of 0% to 100%. 100% is the most you could invest in each area and 0% is the least. Once you have established how much time you invest in each area, write down how much time you invest in your relationship with yourself. If you discover that the score is higher in other areas, then this is an indication that you have been giving very little to yourself. The main incentive is to ensure that you give the very best to yourself in order to give the best to others. For instance, it’s no point committing 100% to your job and committing just 10% to your self.

Make positive friends

It’s mandatory to have friends but more importantly, it’s more effective when your friends are positive friends. Positive people motivate, support and encourage you, particularly when you need emotional support or encouragement the most. On the other hand, negative people often celebrate the downfall of others. Consequently, they could project their negativity into you, which could make you feel worse about yourself or others. In addition, there are health benefits in relation to being positive or positive thinking; it could lower rates of depression, anxiety, and stress. The truth is, you attract people who are most like you. So the key is, if you want positive friends then you have to begin to be more positive yourself.

Become more self-reliant

It’s important to have a good support network of people in your life. However, it is also very important to draw strength from within and acknowledge your own personal power.

Here are 7 basic ways to become more self-reliant:

  • Accept responsibility for your own life choices
  • Make your own decisions – whether they’re good or bad. Indecisiveness is the root cause of low self-esteem
  • Learn more practical skills – the more practical skills you acquire, the more fulfilling your life would be
  • Look after your body
  • Recognise and accept your feelings
  • Find healthier ways to express negative emotions
  • Stop comparing yourself to others.

Get professional help when needed

Ensure that you get professional help if you have underlying issues that could be getting in the way of your best self. It is healthy to get help and support to deal with any negative issues with a professional, in a confidential and private space as opposed to trying to be emotionally dependent on someone to fix or save you. The only person that can help you be the best you can be is yourself, period.

 

 

Dealing with the challenges of being a single mum. 

Being a single mum can be rewarding and challenging at the same time. You are responsible for playing so many roles on a daily basis including being a mum, dad, friend, mentor, teacher, cheerleader and a working mother to make ends meet within the home.

It takes a woman of strength and courage to apply these roles, since it is a very demanding role to play. Some women became a single mum by choice, where most do not.

If you are a single parent having difficulties bringing up your children, I want to encourage you not to be dismayed. Keep up the good work.

There are 2 million single parents in the UK and 92% of them are single mothers. Research shows that children from single parent families are more likely to suffer poor health, do badly at school, and fall into crime or drugs abuse when they are teenagers. These facts are not entirely true, as there are many children from single parent families who have excelled in all areas of their lives and are very successful.

Useful tips:

Avoid being super-mum

Always remember that are you are not super-mum and there is no such thing as a perfect parent, you can only do the best you can. Juggling a career and running a home is not easy for two parents let alone one.

 Get support

Get the help and support from family and friends.

Learn to heal and deal with unresolved issues from the past

It is important to forgive people that have hurt, disappointed, rejected, betrayed and abandoned you, specifically your children’s father. There is nothing worse than being a bitter woman; this will not help the relationship with your children. Even when you decide to date again, no man wants to hear negative things about your ex, as it shows animosity.

Never say negative things about your children’s father in front of them, because this actually reflects a negative image of you, and children believe what they hear. If things did not work out between you and your ex-partner, try and avoid getting your children involved. The relationship was your choice and not your children’s.

Allow your children to have a relationship with their father

Not allowing your children not to see their father because you are hurt and using them to get at a man is never a good idea. It is manipulation and you’re actually hurting your children more. Playing these emotional games, especially when the man desires to be involved in the child life, it is not healthy and can be emotionally draining.

Be open and honest with your children

Children are more intelligent than you think and they have the ability to recognise when you’re not being your true self.

Children need your time and love

The most valuable thing that you can give any child is your love and time. No amount of money, gifts, toys can replace this. Keep your children busy by engaging them in regular activities.

Boundaries within the home

No matter how close you are with your children, always have boundaries, you are the adult within your household and you need to be respected.

 Enjoy your hobbies

 Have time to recharge yourself, meet up with friends and enjoy your own hobbies.

Don’t give up on restarting another relationship because you’re a single parent

Take your time to get to know the other person. Remember that dating is no longer about just you. You now have to take your child into consideration.

Avoid getting new partners to meet your children too soon

It doesn’t reflect a positive view of you in your child’s eyes or your new partner. Remember it is always your responsibility to protect your children and be careful about who you invite into your home.

 Be a positive role model

Encourage your children to believe in themselves and always speak positively about them. You are the person that is responsible for building their esteem, from birth.

Set goals and enjoy your life

Remember not everyone is blessed with children, so be grateful for what you have.